Weak and Willing

by racheliliadis

“Lord I have a heavy burden of all I’ve seen and know
It’s more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I’m weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it’s all that I can’t carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who’ve gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I’m weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sister standing by the dying man’s side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them” When the Saints- Sarah Groves

After spending last night in the emergency room for random hives that appeared all over my body, I woke up feeling weak and kind of shaken. This has been a very familiar feeling for the past two weeks.

If you’ve never listened to Sara Groves “When the Saints” you need to because it might change your life. It has really resonated with my spirit for the past 2 weeks. Sometimes, I feel so heavy with the burdens of this world. Whether it’s fighting world poverty or struggling with my own loneliness and insecurities, sometimes I lack courage and boldness.

But when I really think about all of the faithful men and women who have gone before me, it makes me want to be one them, and to live a life worthy of calling myself a believer of Christ.

Today was one of those days where I heard testimony after testimony, charge after charge about what living a life for Christ looks like. I’m so thankful I decided to go into work today because the interns had the wonderful opportunity to meet with Compassion’s President Wess Stafford, and to hear International Justice Mission’s CEO speak at chapel.

Wess is the real deal. Wess told our group his story and how he became the President of Compassion. He grew up in an African village, speaks 4 languages, has his Ph.D., and is one of the most humble, most sincere men I’ve ever met. His life has been the most incredible journey, and his story brought me to tears, and inspired me fall more in love with Jesus.

He challenged us to find our cause. To find something we care about so deeply that it can bring us to tears within 30 seconds. I can feel it in my heart that God is calling me to something very unique. I wish I knew what that was, but I can feel the passion burning inside of my heart to bring justice, mercy, and grace into a world that is desperate, hurting and crying out for love.

Wess told us that, “The good men die first.” Seriously for the first time in my life, I feel ready to die for the gospel. I want to experience the gospel the way Jesus preached it: dying to ourselves and picking up our cross on a daily basis. This is not an easy thing to do, but I pray that someday I know what it means.

There is no time to be apathetic. There is no time to be anything but proactive. I pray that God continues to fill my spirit with His spirt, and gives me the strength to press on, especially during times where I feel so weak and emotionless.

I’m constantly so inspired by the people around me. For the first time in a long time, I am actually excited to be on my own, and free to experience whatever God throws my way!

Going through so many emotions in the past week, I was beginning to just feel numb. Nothing hurt anymore, and I hated it. I just wanted to feel.

Today, I felt. I felt the tears stream down my face as I realized that God is calling me to a cause much bigger than me, a cause that I can’t fight without holding God’s hand on a daily basis. I’m ready to accept the challenge, and to experience life and joy abundantly, the kind only experienced through Christ!

Thank you God for loving me.

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