annual valentines day post

by racheliliadis

“i’ve had enough of love
it feels good to give up
so good to be good to myself
i’m gonna get on the highway with no destination
and plenty of vision in mind
and i’m gonna drive to the ocean
go skinny dipping
blow kisses to venus and mars
i’m gonna stop at every bar
and flirt with the cowboys in front their girlfriends

it’s gonna be so grand
it’s gonna be just like my wedding day

so much for love
i guess i’ve been wrong
but it’s all right cuz i’m moving on
i’m gonna drive over hills
over mountains and canyons
…and boys that keep bringin me down
i’m gonna drive under skyline and sunshine
drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance
i’m gonna be carefree and let nothing pass me by
never ever again”

-Wedding Day, Rosie Thomas

As Valentines Day is quickly approaching, this song came to my mind. The idea of skinny dipping and driving to unknown destination is exhilarating to me. And then it dawned on me, I could do that if I wanted to. No crushes, no lovers and no interests. Yes, I’m completely single, and I love it. While many girls might call today, “single’s awareness day,” I’ll agree with them in the sense that it does make you aware of your singleness, but not necessarily in a bad way. There’s absolutely nothing worse than dating the wrong person, and nothing better than driving carelessly to the ocean with your dreams in mind.

While I was babysitting last night, 3-year-old Reese began sharing with me all her thoughts on boys, love and dating. First of all, I was intrigued at how interested she was in love and the topics of boys. She’s only three years old, yet the same things she told me, were the same topics my roommate and I discussed yesterday. Clearly, as women, the desire for love is intrinsically in our nature. Even Reese told me how she had trusted a boy that broke her heart. We have something in common.

Broken hearts can be a beautiful thing. Experiencing loss and pain, makes you realize how valuable and special love is. If you felt nothing, than you experienced nothing. You wasted your time. Love is a beautiful thing. I love love, and love to love. But sometimes, it’s exhausting to care. So I’m giving my desire away. Dancing in freedom, I’m ready to explore this world with an open heart. For the first time since I was 13, I’m taking care of myself and my own desires. That’s it.

Of course, when you’re a Christian, that’s how you’re always supposed to live your life. Free in Christ, with an open hand, willing to accept whatever the Lord throws your way. Well, that’s my goal and my passion. But it’s easier said then done, right? Today is the day that I’m choosing to have enough of loving my way. I’m ready to love His way, and with His person. Nothing else will do. Because I’m His, and I’m worth it. For now, driving under skyline and sunshine is the perfect place to be.

I’m done.